A little of my past….

5 Jan

So many of us go through life just trying to get to the next day. The next meeting. The next appointment. We rush around in a spinning, crazy world. We see so much bad and ask why? Why is this slowed to happen? Some say that it happens because we are being punished by God. Other’s that don’t believe find others to blame. But I believe in God and I know personally that he is not the one that rains down the evils on Earth. I have a personal past that took me into hell. The only reason I am here is because He went with me into it and protected me and brought me home. But, I did not recognize Him when I saw him or even know He was with me for the vast majority of those decades. Thirty plus years of living in silence and darkness. I tried to rid myself of the weight of my past many, many times. But I kept a small piece that I felt I needed. That small piece took little time to become a monster again.
As the day of the Epiphany draws near think on this. God loves you so very much that even if all those years ago when He sent his one and only Son, if you had been the only person that would ever need to be saved in all eternity, His Son would have been born. Walked among mankind. Would have taught us. Would have been betrayed. Would have been beaten. Would have been crucified. Would have died. Would have risen. And would have done it all, just for you. Now, that is love.
Many years ago I asked to be rebaptized. It just so happened to be on the Sunday that was the day of the Epiphany. As I knelt at the alter in the chapel with our pastor and my fiancé, as the pastor placed the water on my head and started speaking, I was completely wrapped in a very overpowering fragrance that was so sweet it should have made me feel sick. But it didn’t. It was an embrace. It was Christ, present with me removing all that was trying to destroy me from within.
And while the past still lives itself out in my head daily, it didn’t have that power to take me back into the darkness and silence.
What ever it is that drags you down. What ever it is that keeps you in your own private prison. What ever it is that you need to release. Take it to the Cross. Kneel down and give it to God. He is waiting for you. I’m not saying that you are going to have a life filled with Rose in this world. Mine hasn’t been. But you will have a calm in your heart right down into your soul…….


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