Archive | September, 2015

Prayers and Fighting Life’s Battles…….

19 Sep

Little in life prepares us for some of the fights we must endure. Then there are the fights that nothing but your faith can help you endure.

A few weeks ago this became so very clear to me while on my “Walk to Emmaus.” I have spent nearly all my life fight multiple battle at one time. When I was having a good spell I was fighting only one or two at the same time.

As a man I more or less learned that the fights of this world are ours as a man to fight. I never really understood that some fights I could not win. I grew up with John Wayne, the ultimate Cowboy, and others that show fighting and winning over what is wrong. Those movie and TV Cowboys taught a lot about right and wrong.

As a little boy growing up in church I learned to pray. I would ask all the same things as any child today ask for. What I didn’t learn way that sometimes the only way to fight some things is to fight with prayer. The fights for the vast majority of things we spend our time fighting are things we are virtually unable to fight alone or are even able to fight ourselves at all.

Like I said earlier, I have spent much of my life fighting fights of one kind or another. Not the kind you have in a physical confrontation, although I was an easy target to get bullied and beat up growing up. No, but they where fights none the less. And the stakes were for much more than a bloody lip. Now I did have a part that I did play and was supposed to play in them but I thought at the time I was the only one fighting. Wrong. I learned this decades later. I learned that the main fighter and the one that I should have left the fight to was the one carrying me, my Lord and Savior.

What I thought was my fight was mine to fight but with prayer alone. The fights that I had within with myself are the ones that only He could fight and win. Those were the fights with evil that was trying to destroy me. To keep me from one day taking what God had kept me alive for and using it to help others that are fighting those very same internal and external fights.

The stronger I have become, the more prepared I have become, the more that evil has worked to destroy me. That evil has a name. But I will not utter its name or spell it as it is not worthy of being spoken or spelled ever. The weight removed from me on my walk was profound to say the least. The only thing for me spiritually that was more life changing in an instant was when I was re-baptized. That was an incredible experience.

Some wrongly think that when they become Christians their life will become easier. Many will find that they will not. Not because they are not good Christians but because for one reason. Or another they have become a threat. Not necessarily because they will change the world with their belief. But maybe because of a chain of events their witness may start in this world that they will never even have a knowledge of. Many people have had that effect on me and don’t know it.

So the old saying of “chose your battles wisely” is still true. Most are probably not worth fighting. Some are worth fighting with everything you have. Some may be fights that you have no way of winning but are still fought for. And some are fights you are not supposed to be trying to lead the fight against. All all worthy of being fought. It’s just that your part of the fight might only be with prayer………


Emotional abuse

12 Sep

Not all those who wander are lost (but maybe just a little)

For years I’ve tried to run from my past, pretend like nothing happened. But at some point, something always happens to remind you, to smack you in the face and knock you to the ground. Scrolling through my news feed I saw a post from This Morning. Apparently the Home Secretary has launched a consultation to look at strengthening the law by creating a new offence against domestic abuse. Apparently they want to make it clear coercive and controlling behaviour in relationships is criminal and joining them on the show today is someone who found the emotional abuse worse than the physical abuse.

No! This is just wrong! It means that everything I’ve told myself is a lie. I told myself that because he never actually hit me – he forcefully shoved me onto the ground once but never physically hit me after – he didn’t do anything wrong. That…

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“Why me?” A question you shouldn’t ask yourself

12 Sep

RECENT POSTSThe topic that no one talks about.When justice does not prevail…We MUST change the statute of limitationsWhen I don’t take my own adviceRose colored glasses.The titanium plate

Source: “Why me?” A question you shouldn’t ask yourself

When justice does not prevail…We MUST change the statute of limitations

12 Sep

The topic that no one talks about.

12 Sep

NOT MY SECRET...My story...My truth

An anchor is defined as two things: 1. A heavy device that is attached to a boat or ship by a rope or chain and that is thrown into the water to hold the boat or ship in place. 2.: A person or thing that provides strength and support.

In my mind that means an anchor can either be a weight or a strength.

After sexual abuse you need an anchor. But that anchor needs to be of strength and support. We don’t need something that weighs us down we need something that will support us, ground us, so that we can then be lifted up.A good loving anchor will allow you to soar.

Herein lies the hard question that no one wants to talk about. How do we become intimate again after something that is supposed to be beautiful becomes a nightmare? How can a nightmare become a dream again? The anchor…

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Forgiveness: How, Why, and When

12 Sep

Source: Forgiveness: How, Why, and When

Shatter the Silence, Shine a Light into your Shadows…….

12 Sep

I consider myself to be one of the very blessed ones in this world for many reasons. I can relate to almost every thing that Stephanie talks about but from the view of her husband. PTSD and a lot of other acronyms make their way into the reports on my mental health. Lack of sleep is a huge issue. But the reason I feel blessed is that I have walked to the very edge of the fall into complete nothingness. I have made that walk after months and months of planning during a slow steady spiral into darkness. I have been on that razor thin edge where even the beating of your own heart can cause you to lose your balance in life and end up taking your own life. I have been there and survived. I have been there and survived, not once or twice. I have been there four times when it was planned. More than that if you take into account some of the thing I did that Should have killed me. Why do some survive and others don’t? I’m not qualified to answer that for all suicide victims and survivors. All I can say is that somehow I was able to see the very thing or feel the vey thing that I needed at that critical time and recognize it and it enabled me to step back and struggle to see the next sunrise while no really wanting to. For me it was God providing what I needed and somehow I was able to see it and live. I have seen the personal side of hat suicide does to the families and friends of those that commit suicide. I had a very close friend all through my school years lose her father. He asked her to go to the store and 20 minutes later she found him dead. I was a senior high and jr. high counselor when we lost a young man that I had known since the day he was born to suicide. I never saw it coming and I had already been to the edge twice at that time. Most people will never see it coming for what it is. No one ever saw mine or even knew I was in such bad shape. We are very good at hiding in plain sight. The thing is if you take that final step, there is no way for you to have a better day. No way for things to get better. No way to help the ones you leave behind ever have enough answers to make the pain go away. I want all to know that I speak from my own very personal HELL on earth. My past experiences of what has been done to me are things that I would never wish on those that did them to me. Shatter the Silence, Shine a Light into your Shadows. There is a tomorrow and you owe it to yourself, if no one else, you owe yourself more sunrises. God is there for you. He always has been. The hurt done to you has also been done to Him. He understands your anger. He understands how lost you feel. He understands every last thing you think and feel for He has lived and cried FOR YOU. Reach out for someone. Reach out to fight. Fight for you. Fight the fight you are worthy of. Fight this fight to save the precious gift of life that our Father in Heaven has given you. You are worth the fight. You can do this. No, it’s not easy and it takes a long time but You Can Do This….. Much Love, Many Hugs and Unending Prayers…..

Trigger warning;

Please follow this link to a powerful story from a widow of a military husband that committed suicide. What happened to him also happens to many, many more both in and out of the military…….