Suicide and Depression

12 Aug

Suicide and depression

I question myself sometimes about putting myself out there on topics like suicide and depression and everything that goes along with it. I haven’t had much, but I have had some tell me that its just to call attention to myself. I don’t really care what their opinion is but if the timing of it is at one of the low point my life rotates through it can be momentarily harder to shake off.
I, like most everyone that speaks out on their deeply personal struggles, don’t do it for personal notoriety. We do it to let others know that they too can get through this moment, this one minute by minute point in their life.
We know all to well how easy the answer looks to put an end to all the pain. We know what it is to be so lost. So lost inside ones own self. We know what it is like to feel like you are going to explode from everything that is pushing on the inside trying to escape out into the light but we don’t want others to see how ugly our life is. We know how the happy face works to keep people thinking all is well when they ask how we are and their face tells you they know something is wrong. We know what it is like to walk to the very razors edge of eternity and know that the very next second of life may never come. We know that it is not the selfish act that so many want to call it. It is an act of desperation that no person can find a way to translate it into words, We know they see it as a solution and they don’t see the ripple that it will cause. We know how lonely they feel. How removed they feel. How dark the world feels. How it feels when you have fallen so far that you see no light. When you feel no love. When you feel no God. When you feel nothing. Feel nothing except that you want it to all stop. You want it to stop. It has to stop. You cant go on. You have nothing left inside that wants to fight for survival. What its like to think no one will miss you and they will be better off without you.
We understand it all. We lived it. We survived it. That is why we do it. We survived it. We are survivors and we owe it to anyone else out there that is fighting to stay among us. We owe it to anyone that has given up. We owe it to our Father in Heaven to do everything that we can do to call attention to the fact that with help, anything can be overcome. Anything can be survived. Nothing on the face of this earth is worth killing yourself for. We know how utterly alone you feel and want you to know, YOU ARE NOT ALONE, YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN ALONE AND YOU NEVER WILL BE ALONE. God has been with you the entire time. He has tried to put answers before you but the decision to accept them has been left up to you. Sometimes it may be that friend or even a stranger that speaks to you in a way that sys, I care. There were time that for me, it gave me just enough to get a little farther down the road. Yes it would be great if He just waved a hand and all was well but that kind of healing is very rare. We want our free will and that comes with a price.
I stand up in front before small groups and before entire church congregations and even one on one telling my story. My story that I would just as soon forget. But one that I have been compelled to share. Compelled to share by the one that was with me through it all. The one that supplied me that individual that showed me that they meant the little moment we shared was meaningful. God has put it on my heart to help spread his words of hope and love and grace, Not because I am some kind of great Christian, because I am not. No, I’m not a saint. I am a sinner and He loves me right where I am in my life. But He is not finished working on me. He has called me to share the very worst of my life. To share the hurt done to me and the hurt I did to others. The very worst this world has to offer but also the very best as well. To share my struggles with my ghost and demons. And to share His victory over them. To share His love He feels for us and the deep pain He feels with us. God is the only reason I sit here. There is nothing I did that kept me here. It was all God and His intervention that kept me here. It was all God and His intervention that kept me here. So here is a self promotion. Want to talk, just let me know. Are you interested in hearing more of my life and what God has done for me? Get in touch. I don’t care if I only talk to one person at a time. It doesn’t mean that you need the help, it means that through my story, you may be able to be that one individual that make the difference at a crucial time in someone else’s live and you may never even realize it…

Only By The Grace Of God…….


2 Responses to “Suicide and Depression”

  1. lonewelshwanderer August 12, 2014 at 6:53 PM #

    I can relate to everything you’ve written here. To those who say it’s attention seeking to speak out, they’ve obviously never been there, or if they have, they’ve forgotten what it was like. I also know how hurtful and how difficult it can be when people do say things like that when you’re at a low point. Keep speaking out though, if nothing else, you’ve reminded me that I’m not alone. That there are others out there who have these struggles too and it’s great to be reminded that God is always here even if it doesn’t feel like it. I know your post was never intended for anyone specifically, but I wanted to say thank you for what you’ve said, it’s a very timely reminder.


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