6 Oct

I have missed a bit here of late. I have been dealing with back to back bronchitis infections. As I am also have asthma, breathing gets a little tricky. Been to doctors more than I care to. Dealing with my day to day is enough unto itself for me. PTSD, CPTSD, Major Depression, a little OCD and being able to retreat back into my defensive self all to easily some days and I won’t even talk about the cronic pain. If I let anything have even a little ground they get me on a a wheel like a hamster has. My day turns into a vicious circle of one thing leading to another with none of them good. There are times wheni wish things would have gone a little different the day of my accident and my neck would have bent or twisted that extra little piece of a millimeter and instead of dealing with all the issues of a spine being screwed in so many places and pushing on nerve roots. And a spinal cord injury in my neck that has all the signals screwed up, especially the pain receptors. It would have just finished the job and turned off my switch. No more nothing. But then I remember I don’t want nothing. I want time with my daughter. I want time with my wife. I want time. Don’t get me wrong, I have no fear of death. Death does not hold me here. It will take me home.


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